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Meeh and my DRAMA

About Recent Entries

Apr. 30th, 2005 @ 12:42 am

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.

010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.

014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.

018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart. ** not to sound conceited**
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.**NeEd BoObS**
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning  **MoRnInG bReAtHe**
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
036. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
037. I like the way that I look. *sometimes*
038. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
039. I know how to do cornrows.
040. I am usually pessimistic.
041. I have mood swings.
042. I think prostitution should be legalized.
043. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
044. I have cheated on a significant other. ** OoPsY**
045. I have a hidden talent.
046. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
047. I've been sexually intimate with fewer than ten people.
049. I have kissed someone of the same sex.

048. I am currently single.
050. I enjoy talking on the phone
051. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
052. I love to shop.
053. I would rather shop than eat.
054. I would classify myself as ghetto.
055. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
056. I'm obsessed with my LJ
057. I don't hate anyone.
058. I'm a pretty good dancer.
059. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
060. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
061. I have a cell phone

062. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
063. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
064. I have never been in a real relationship before.
065. I've rejected someone before.
066. I currently have a crush on someone.
067. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
068. I want to have children in the future.
069. I have changed a diaper before.
070. I've had the cops called on me before.

071. I bite my nails.
072. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
073. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
074. I have a lot to learn.
075. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
076. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
077. I am very shy around the opposite sex. **nEvEr!!**
078. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
079. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
080. I have been rejected by someone.

081. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
082. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
083. I have avoided work to play on LJ.
084. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
085. I enjoy country music.
086. I love my best friends.
087. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
088. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
089. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
090. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
091. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
092. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
093. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. And give people free candy!
094. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
*HeLl YeAh**

095. I have dated a close friend's ex.
096. I'm happy as of this moment.
097. I have gone scuba diving.
098. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.
099. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
100. I play a musical instrument

101. I strongly dislike math.
102. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
103. I own and use a library card.
104. I fall in "lust" more than in "love." 

105. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks. *MMmm*
106. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
107. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
108. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
109. I am an entirely different person around different people.
110. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
111. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.

112. I am suffering of a broken heart.
113. I am a nerd.
114. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
115. I am left handed and proud of it.
116. I try not to change who I am for someone.
117. My heart resides below my feet.
118. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
119. I enjoy smoothies.
120. I have had major surgery.

121. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
122. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
123. Some people call me by a nickname.
124. I once stole a music stand.
125. I like FUCKING LOVE pumpkin pie.
126. I love NASCAR!
127. I own over 200 CDs.
128. I work 7 days a week.
129. I have mono.
130. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
131. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
132. I'm still in my PJs.
133. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
134. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
135. I'll try anything three times.
136. I've done drugs other than alcohol or cigarettes.
137. I'm having trouble sleeping.

138. I am a cuddler.
139. I like John Waters films.
140. I have made a pornographic videotape
141. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
142. One of my boobs is bigger than the other though not noticed by others.
143. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
144. I am abnormally obsessed with all things Buffy/Angel.
145. I love comfort food.
146. I'm a right-winged conservative Christian, and proud of it.
147. I'm Catholic.
148. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm going to die over.
149. I am a college student.
150. I like to cook.
151. I hate vacuuming with a passion.
152. I'm addicted to photography and picture frames.
153. I have performed in the Rocky Horror Picture show.
154. I generally get along with my parents.

155. I like Shakespeare.
156. I like to sing.
157. I'll take the Pepsi Challenge any day, and STILL pick Coke!
158. I have things that I want to say to people, but I won't/can't because I don't want to hurt/be hurt by them.
159. I'm not "mainstream" when it comes to religion.
160. I've counted down the days until the summer.
161. I've fulfilled someone's dare at a party or gathering.
162. I challenge people to duels, and when I do, I mean it.
163. I was pigeon-toed at one point in my life.
164. I love Digimon and wear goggles to school.
165. I have been to an anime convention.
166. I constantly have my head in the clouds daydreaming.
167. I am addicted to roleplaying.
168. I was in labor for 30 hours with no pain medication.
169. I own more than three items of vinyl clothing.
170. I read hardcore Christian Bible Tracts because I think they're funny.
171. I hate to drive.
172. I'm unemployed but would rather sit on my butt and play video games than look for a job.
173. I come from a southern, highly religious family and have chosen to keep a major part of my life secret from my family for now.
174. I have a serious taste for older men.
175. I had a happy childhood.
176. I have an unhealthy obsession with certain child actors.
177. I am an only child.
178. I have more than five different lotions on my desk right now.
179. I have a more active online social life than IRL.
180. Sometimes, I actually like my job.
181. I love animals, and have had at least one pet.
182. I love writing letters.
183. I haven't had sex with a lot of people, but I've had a really wide range of sexual experiences with those few.
184. I don't bleed, I percolate.
185. I sleep the entire day but am awake all night long.
186. My two children were born in the same month.
187. I like the taste of blood.
188. I do not know how to swim.
189. I know how to shoot a gun!
190. I am currently pregnant with my first baby!
191. I flew to another state when I was underage without asking/telling my parents.
192. I've experienced natural childbirth.
193. I am a HUGE "Sex and the City" fan.
194. I am currently experiencing physical pain
195. I've lost time at work this week because my car was encased in an ice flow.
196. I'm looking for a new job that I actually like.
197. I am OCD about at least one thing.

198. I have a child named after a fictional or mythological character.
199. I have made something homeade for someone else :)
200. I am obsessed with the colour purple.
201. I absolutely love to dance



ouch. . it hurts Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 02:02 pm
I really don’t know what to do. . . I miss San Diego like hell, but I know I’m atleast gonna stay until the end of Summer because my aunt Robin really needs my help. I miss Jason like crazy, but I’m just gonna hurt him and I don’t want to do that. He deserves someone who won’t do what I’m doing to him. I love him enough to know that. He shouldn’t have to put up with my shit ever. All he does is love me and I know I said we fought a lot, but usually it wasn’t his fault. I’m the one always picking the fights and I have no fucking clue why. I really should just drop all guys because I know eventually I’m just gonna hurt them. I like Matt a lot, but there is no way I can stay in Texas, I just don’t have the heart to tell him. Here goes another one I’m gonna hurt. I don’t understand why any guy would ever like me, I’m not a good person. I’m honest most of the time, yeah, but that’s not good sometimes. I wish I had my shit together because then I would just move back and get an apartment with Cassandra. I’ll probably end up doing that eventually anyway, but not soon enough for my liking. Why do guys like me? I don’t understand it one bit and if you do will you please let me know so I can drop that quality. I really like Matt, but I’m just gonna wnd up hurting him and there is no way I can live in Texas forever. . I’ll go fucking nutz. I’ve already been here for a friggin month and I have 2 friends, 1 of which I met through my aunt. Everything I know and love are in California, except for my aunt and uncle. I miss the beach and the mountains. I’ve never seen anything so flat. It drives me fucking nuts.
Jason called me last night like literally 2 seconds after I got off the internet and told me he had been trying to call me for the past two days. I told him I needed a few days to think and then to call me. I don’t know what to tell him. I won’t be able to tell him anything on the phone because I’ll just break down and start crying and he won’t be able to understand me, but the I can’t do it in a letter because that’s so fucking heartless. I’m sure as hell not gonna do it over the internet because that’s cold as fuck too, and the only time he uses a comp is over at his dad’s friend’s house. I don’t know what I should so. If any of you have any suggestion, it would really help. Steve, my friend and also ex told me that if I ever needed it he would let me stay at his house for as long as necessary, but I don’t want to live off of anyone anymore. He also said he would give me some money for a plane ticket if I really wanted to come home, but I don’t want handouts anymore. I told him I didn’t want to ask him for that but he said I didn’t ask he offered. I know he cares and it’s not just to get in my pants, but I really don’t want to rely on anyone else anymore. Hopefully my mom buys me a car like she promised then that will be a big help. My little sister keeps calling, but I’m never here when she calls and that sucks. I need to talk to my mom, but I can’t call her because I don’t have long distance, which totally sucks fat white ass because that also means I can’t call any of my friends back home. Kelley can’t call because she doesn’t have long distance either. I’ve talked to her once. It would really help if I could just talk to a couple of my friends.
I know Jason will read this and when he does I hope to God that he understands why I can’t be with him. I love him more than life itself, but I’m just gonna keep hurting him like I always do to the good ones. I think I’m just afraid that any guy will do what the others have done to me. He is better off without me, and I know he won’t understand at this time, but he will eventually. Jason, if you read this I really need to talk to you so please call me. Well I think that’s about the most depressing shit I can write in one day. Later

erg!! Apr. 5th, 2005 @ 01:52 pm
Oh yeah and by the way. . my hair straightener is on it's last limb so if anyone would like to donate to the "Prevent Poofy hair" fund contact me. . haha. . oh yeah and I would really like to see pics of everyone who cares anough to read my boring shit. . thanks. . and I love you all!!

fuck fuck and fuck Apr. 5th, 2005 @ 01:50 pm
Well I’m stressed as shit. . Me and Jason are officially on a break, but I don’t know if we’ll ever end up together again. I really love him, but I don’t know what to do. I told him I like Matt and I really do, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve been getting high to avoid my feelings, and I’m almost out so I’m gonna have to face them sooner or later. Hopefully later. I really miss San Diego, but I can’t handle all the drama right now. I miss Kelley and Cassandra. I really just need a break. I wish I could just take off with a fat sack, my pipe, and a cell phone that barely anyone has the number to. Only people I would want contact with are Codi(favoritist cousin) Kelley, Cassandra, and a few select people. . you know who you are, the ones I tell everything to who don’t stress me out. I just need a fucking break. I’ve been seriously so depressed lately. I didn’t eat anything yesterday until like 5 because Matt made me eat and took me to Subway. . and if you love me and know me well enough you know I cannot resist that lovely place. Atleast I know he cares. I don’t know what on earth I’m gonna do. I miss San Diego, I mean don’t get me wrong, that’s my home. But it’s just too much stress for me. I mean Andy has been telling me how much he loves me and that I should come back to him. First of all we fought SOOO much and he treated me like shit most of the time. I will always love him and have a bunch of feelings towards him. . not saying whether they are all bad or good. I just need a life right now with no guys. . . well maybe just my guy friends who don’t try to get in my pants or date me. I really just need a break. I wish I could talk to my mom about some of this, but God knows we don’t get along, and so do most of you. I really miss when I had a good relationship with her. It sux when people ask about my parents because I hate explaining what happened between me and my mom. I couldn’t care less about my dad. How are you supposed to love someone who you met when you were 8 and have only seen like 5 times since. He never made an effort. Plus he’s creepy as shit. None of his side of the family have ever REALLY cared. I miss my little sister like crazy too. I mean having Terra around has helped, but she’s not Erika. No one will ever take the place of that little shit. Terra has helped a lot. I love that little girl with all of my heart. She tells all her friends that one day me and Jason are gonna get married and then I will be her sister. It is gonna kill me if me and him break up because of her. His whole family loves me. I cried when I was talking to his dad before I left too because he’s the closest thing I’ve had to a dad in a long time. He even said that since I missed going to Disneyland, cuz I’m here, that were gonna go when I get back. That made me feel like shit. Plus when we were at his aunt and uncle house for Christmas they invited me to the river, because they have a house right on it. Jason went last weekend and right before I was about to break it off he told me that his uncle said I have to come next time. That made me feel like hell too. His family really likes me and I really like them I just don’t know if I can be with him anymore. I don’t know what to do. ERG!! Everyone keeps telling me to follow my heart, but I can’t because it is pulling me in like 1,474,383,289 directions. I feel as if it is torn in too tiny little bitty pieces. OK well I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing about all this BS. . so I’m out
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Smile Empty Soul- "Silhouettes"

my space!! Apr. 1st, 2005 @ 12:26 pm
http://www.myspace.com/seedlesschik1904
Here's my "my space" link
Other entries
» FuCk!!
Well I'm in Texas, and I don't know what the fuck to do. . My aunt and uncle have been fighting a lot. I'm confused about everything. I'm SOOO stressed out. I can't really explain on here cuz certain people might read it. I miss Kelley!! And Cassandra. I just need someone to talk to and I cant call anyone cuz it's long distance. I miss all my friends. I might stay in Texas if things work out for my aunt and uncle. I woke up last night to the sounds of them fighting. I can't handle all this. I'm stressed enough as it is, without having to listen to them. I don't know what to do. I wish I could just get the fuck outta here. If I got along with my mom enough I'd take up her offer and move with her to Alaska, but we'd end up killing eachother. I just need someone to talk to. I just wish I could take a fucking break from everything. What I really need is to go to Kelley's and just talk. It's just like that Crossfade song "Colors". "I know you're feeling like you're lost!!" Damn music. I was listening to a Good Charlotte song last night in Matt's car and one really made me think about shit. Me and Jason were fighting a lot before I left, and it's like we almost broke up a million times in like 2 months. The only reason why I dealt with it was because I have no where else to go. Me and him definitely need a break. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm hurting about all of this. This os the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I really don't want to hurt anyone, but my heart is torn in like ten different directions. Everyone keeps telling me to follow my heart, but I can't. It's fucking confused too. Any choice I make I'm gonna be hurt. I need someone to hold me and cry with. Why can't we all just know what we're supposed to do. Life is too fucking hard. I've been getting stoned to avoid my feelings, and that's not good. What happens when I run out?? Im fucked!! Matt keeps telling me that the hurt stops only temporarily and it's still gonna hurt. Doesn't he know that I know that? I'd rather feel better for a little while than like SHIT all day.


"Summer air reminds me of all the feelings of your love,
And what it was like when we were together,
Walking all along the beach, you were never far from my reach,
And you held me through the stormy weather"

Good Charlotte "Seasons"
» Texas
Well I'm in Texas right now. My aunt's friend went to prison and so my aunt adopted her two kids. I'm helping out for as long as she needs and then I'll be back in Cali. Me and Jason are still together, it'll be a year this Thursday, but he's in Cali. I miss him. SO that's all I have to say. Late
» (No Subject)
Ok well. . . I'm living at Jasons and things are going great but I never get to use a puter,tear, but I will be back. If you want to talk to me E-mail youovermyfriendsnfg@yahoo.com and Ill get back to you eventually. .
» Stolen From Shana
Do you like parades?:: sometimes
Do you like the moon?:: sure
What are you going to do when youre done with this?:: find something to eat
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and
over?:: sure
If you could have any magical power what would it
be?:: to appear places
Have you ever had a picnic?:: yeah
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were
young?:: yeah
What about sock em boppers?:: yeah, me and Codi used to beat eachother
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: no

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: yes
pretty?:: yes
sarcastic?:: yes
lazy?:: hell yes
hyper?:: yes
friendly?:: yes
evil?:: yes
smart?:: street smart
strong?:: kinda
talented?:: no
dorky?:: yea

ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont
know)
high:: Rose
skip:: Matt
dance:: Jess
lonely:: Chris
pen:: Shana
flower:: Rose
window:: Hilliary
psycho:: Mom
brain freeze:: dunno
orange:: ??
sassy:: me
jelly:: Mike

FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: against
love:: for
drunk drivers:: against
airplanes:: for
war:: for
canada:: for
united states:: for
rock music:: for
gay marriage:: whatever floats ur boat
school:: against
surveys:: for
parents:: against
cars:: for
killing:: against
britney spears:: against
coffee:: for
pants:: for

WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: yeah
Play strip poker?:: no
Run away?:: have plenty of times
Curse at a teacher?:: yes
Not take a shower for a week?:: eew
Ask someone out?:: yeah
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: no
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?:: im going with Shana!!
scuba diving?:: yea
Write a book?:: nope
Become a rockstar?:: if i knew how
Have casual sex?:: what's casual?? i have before. . never again. . I love Jason

LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?:: BioSilk or Brilliant Brunette
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the
opposite sex?:: 3 days ago, before I was sunburnt
What kind of computer do you have?:: I don't know, it has weird signs on it
What grade are you in?:: I should be in 12th
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the
movies?:: no
Or just make out?:: no
How many posters do you have in your room?:: one, of Shane West
How many cds do you have?:: like 5
What time is it now?:: 8:05 pm
» another survey
Have you ever kissed anyone of the opposite sex?:duh
Kissed someone of the same sex?:nope, although Jess tried one night when she was drunk
Been in love?:I am right now
Been with someone soley for the purpose of pleasure?:yes, and I'll never do it again
Oral sex? Yes or No?:yes
Spit or Swallow?:swallow
What song would you have sex to if you could?:it doesn't matter because I'm too into Jason in the monment
Whos the celebrity you could do?:Shane West
Are you a virgin?:umm, no
If not- how many times had you had sex?:fuck dude, i dunno
Were you a 'couple' with all of these people?:nope, and I regret alot of it
Whos one person you know personally- who you would do?:Jason
Have you ever had a threesome?:no
If so- was it 1 girl 2 guys, or 2 girls, 1 guy?:eek
What is the most sexy part about you?:umm I don't have one, I've been told I have nice legs
Whats your favorite body part of the opposite sex?:his face
Most exciting place to have sex?:wherever
Fast or slow sex?:both
Would you ever do it in a public place?:no
Ever had:no
All nude, barley covered, or completley clothed?:all nude
Porn - yes or no?:sometimes. .
Ever had sex with a prostitute?:eeew, DO you think I want Gono-mono-syphil-aids?
One night stands- yes or no?:no
Masturbation - yes or no?:nope, don't need to
Love without sex, or sex without love?:love without sex
Pure sex, or foreplay?:both
Ever been caught in the act?:yes
Incest is sick. Right? Please say yes.:yes
Last one - Ever cheated on your bf/gf + had sex with that person?:yes, I fucked up bad. . I'll never do that again

ULTIMATE-SEXY-SEX SURVEY!! brought to you by BZOINK!
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